I am an organized person.  I thrive when my life is organized.  I find peace in organization.  There’s probably a whole psychiatry 101 book on why I’m that way, why I shouldn’t be that way and how to change my ways.  But alas . . .

Speaking of Christmas (we were weren’t we?)  I have the master list of who/what to buy.  The list for food.  Boxes labeled.  How long tasks will prob. take and when to start/end.  You get the idea:  Probably in the 3rd chapter of the above mentioned book.  This year, for some reason, I’m not even close to organized.  I’m plodding along hoping to be done prior to the new year.  

One reason is a real Blessing.  Every close friend and extended family has wanted to get together with me prior to Christmas.  The ones that can’t get with me have called and we’ve caught up on things.  It’s been really wonderful and it’s made Christmas time so much more special.  In a widowhood walk, having people reach out to you because they want to visit is like balm on a lingering sore.  Even though it’s played havoc with my organization, it’s more than made up for it in bringing joy.  

Where am I going with this?  Sometimes we have to let go of how we’ve alway done the holidays and accept different.   Different can mean a lot of things but giving it a chance to be more nourishing for your soul is a good thing.  

I celebrate Thanksgiving DAY but Christmas is a WHOLE SEASON and my season usually starts in late October and ends closer to February.   Today, I got my decorations up.  Mostly, except for that big new idea that may or may not get done.  And my dining room table is covered with wrapping paper in hopes I can get things mailed in time.  I’m meeting my Ohio nephew/wife later for dinner because they are passing near me and we haven’t seen each other in several years.  My dog has been ill and medicating/babying him through a hopeful recovery.  This is beginning to sound like a country western song; if only I hadn’t sold my pickup truck.  It’s a song where I’m not organized and loving it.  Mostly, working at it, mostly.

Last month we made Christmas ornaments.  We always have a lot of fun when we’re making/crafting things.  Laughs, stories, compassion and enjoying each other.  

If you’re thinking this looks a lot like something done in kindergarten art class, the other ladies did much better!

December 10, 2024 - Tuesday
1:00 pm at Cerno’s Bar and Grill, 213 West Third St., Kewanee IL

We’ll be getting together at Cerno’s Bar and Grill,  213 West Third Street, Kewanee at 1:00 pm on Tuesday December 10.  NOT at the church.  We’ll each pay for our own meal/drink.  Come celebrate with us on making it another year in this widowhood walk.  Enjoy the day with each other.  Feel free to invite other widows.      

Christmas can be a tough time without your husband.  I’m not immune to sometimes feeling sad because he’s not here celebrating or enjoying how the grandkids have grown and being able to talk with him about it all.   One thing that’s helped is talking about “grandpa” - sometimes little stories and lots of laughs (cause he was a bit of a southern character.)   One of the good memories was the year of heavy snow.  The kids used all our sleds and snowboards on the hill in front of our house.  Jerry used his old tractor to haul them back up the hill.   He attached a long rope and they all took hold like a redneck ski lift.  It was horribly cold, one kid had on socks and sandals (I know-kids), a little guy consistently face planted at the bottom and competition and laughter was wild.   When you are feeling a bit down over the holidays, bring your husband back into this year’s celebration.  It helps us all.

 Good grief we’re looking Thanksgiving in the headlights!  Did anyone else wake up the morning Daylight Savings Time hit to wonder how we’ve already buzzed through most of 2024?  I’m about as organized as a cat with two mice running around the room.

Getting organized may be more difficult during your widow walk.  The big obvious reason is you’re now doing the work of two.  And even if you always did a majority of the work, you still have no one to bounce ideas, worries and comfort off.  

One way to help is to let some things “fall off the table”.   How?  So often some of the things that contribute to overwhelming us have been put there by ourselves.  If you start your rationalizations with “BUT!” then it’s probably something you’re carrying that may not be necessary.  

BUT, we’ve always done . . . . .
BUT, the grandkids want . . . . . 
BUT, it was a part of my husband and my . . . . . 
BUT, what will the children think if I . . . . .    

I get it and I’ve done it.  The bottom line, as you learn how to make a life of being a widow, it’s now your choice how much you do - or how much you can do.  If you’re feeling overwhelmed, start small and eliminate something that can fall off the table.  This is especially important as the end-of-year holidays approach.

 Last month we made Christmas cards using ink and stamps.  We were able to get several done while chatting all things widow and life in general.  Such a great way to get to know widow friends.    
    
Romans 1:12   That we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine.

Recipes are great although sometimes we don’t have the time or energy to make something from scratch.  I make Chex Mix for about twenty-one people for individual Christmas presents every year.  It takes a bundle of ingredients and lots of time.  They love it and I do it.  

Sometimes, during the year, I want the Chex Mix but don’t want the mess.  I stop by Bains Farm and Fleet in Geneseo and buy bags of stuff to make a no bake mix. 

No Bake Faux Chex Mix

Trail Mix
Cinnamon Chex Mix
Yogart covered pretzels
Mixed salted nuts
Cheese coated potato sticks
M&Ms

Other options I’ve added:  chocolate covered raisins, wasabi bits, Red Hots, dried fruit, sunflower or pumpkin seeds.  

Obviously, you can select anything that trips your sweet/salty trigger.  And the ratio  is up to you.  I choose Bain’s because they usually have a sale going on of their snacks, nuts and candy.  This will make 2-3 gallon bags of snacks. Not quite as good as homemade but still good.  And easy.  It’s the whole letting something fall off the table thing.   FYI:  Do not even think of counting up the calories. . .

You’re not alone with over 12 million women in the United States being widows.  As you work through your own widowhood, it’s a great opportunity to support and pray for other widows.  You know, you live it and you have compassion and wisdom.  Consider making time in your daily walk to reach out with a text, a call or an invitation to our monthly CW group.  Adding a prayer for all the things you know they need.       
~
 
"Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start." — Nido Qubein  

As always, feel free to invite other widows to our 2nd Tuesday of every month get togethers.  They don't have to be Hill Church members or a member of any church - widowhood is the key that unlocks our door.

90% of widowhood is just staring off in the distance and thinking “What the heck happened to my life?”

The other 10% is restraining yourself from chucking produce at couples holding hands in the grocery store.”

This fall is filled with contrasts:

Illinois full of beauty & drought vs. Eastern States’ destruction & flooding.
High field crop yields vs. low price per bushel.
Japanese Beetles gone vs. Asian Lady Beetles coming inside.

A few examples of obvious environmental contrasts, but, widows often have many contrasts, too:

Getting stronger vs. regretting needing help.
Making confident decisions vs. fear of what to do.
Remembering spousal love vs. angry at him for leaving you.
Getting out with friends vs. envying their happiness and marriage.
Looking back on a good marriage vs. hating it’s been taken away.

I’m sure each of you could list more.  The deal is you can hang on to those things or choose not join the parade of bitter widows that haven’t  moved through the grief process.  There’s not a time line, it isn’t fast and it can’t be avoided.  The trick is to go through it and not get stuck.  

You may at times find something triggers a negative “widow” emotion to come back, that’s pretty normal.  For widows to be healthy, you can’t hold on to negativity and sadness all the time.  You can’t make negative and unhappy your new normal.  It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t think about your former life and doesn’t mean you shouldn’t remember your husband and married life.  Good memories can feed us.  

I don’t have all the answers but I can say how I “let it go”:  I pray it gone.  I ask God to put His hand between me and the thoughts that are no longer helpful.  When it’s no longer helpful to think grief thoughts, He’ll turn my thoughts to other things.  Every time!  If you’ve never used prayer to take you out of negative old grief thoughts then give it a try.  Widows are close to God’s heart, he will listen and answer your prayers. 

We were all first time decoupage decorators last month.  Taking small jars, fall leaves, a bit of twine, a votive candle and new autumn decor happened.  What fun and a good way to sit and visit about our lives and widow concerns.  Busy hands and all that jazz.

Next Group Meeting is October 8th, 2024
Tuesday at 1:00pm at Hill Church
It may sound too early and it’s not.  We’ll be making our own Christmas cards.  Individualized and from the heart.  The reason to start in October is it can take some time to get them done before sending.  And as always, it’s a good time to visit with other women with like circumstances.  

Marcus Throneburg will be visiting with us at one of our meetings.  Marcus was the pastor at Hill Church and is currently an Elder (In additional to his non-church job.)  He and his wife Bobi host a small group and are the parents of three children.  Marcus has the gentle soul of a born caregiver.  Currently, the Elders are meeting every Tuesday afternoon but that soon should slow down.  It will be a Blessing to have Marcus talk with our widows.  

Psalm 119:50   This is my comfort in my misery, that Your word has revived me.    

As always, feel free to invite other widows to our 2nd Tuesday of every month get togethers.  They don't have to be Hill Church members or a member of any church - widowhood is the key that unlocks our door.

Have you ever considered the beautiful fall leaf as it flutters to the ground?  Many of us love this perfect weather time of the year and the beauty it brings.  

Once the leaf lays for awhile on the ground, it becomes not just beauty but a beneficial nutrient in the soil.  Those nutrients are used by the tree to feed the new growth come spring.  It helps keep it healthy all year.

Nature provides life lessons on using our stores of widow wisdom and experiences to make us stronger next season.

Although small in numbers, we had a nice visit at our August get together.  As we tend to do, we enjoyed many topics and also talked about what we wanted to do at our future meetings.  As always, I welcome your ideas and suggestions for topics.  Some  desires for more informational programs presented by experts in their field.  Some fun craft/art projects.  Some times where we just visit and enjoy each other’s company.  Some outside social events.  

September 10, 2024 - Tuesday
1:00 pm at Hill Church

107 N. Main St., Kewanee IL

We’ll be making autumn tea lights.  A fun little project but pretty darn cute.  Bring a small jar if you have a favorite or I’ll bring a few (see picture.)  Size:  juice glass or  about 2 or 3 inches tall/wide.

Our friend from the Braving Widowhood group lost her niece to a tragic auto accident.  Please keep Pam Bates and her family in your prayers.  And especially Cassie’s 18 year old son; for his grief and future.
 
1 Peter 5:6-7   Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.    

As always, feel free to invite other widows to our 2nd Tuesday of every month get togethers.  They don't have to be Hill Church members or a member of any church - widowhood is the key that unlocks our door.

I feel the season of Autumn nudging its way into the picture! A few trees are already sporting orange leaves, most of my flowers have finished their bloom season and are heading towards buttoning up for the coming winter. Wildlife are busy storing food, some preparing for a trip south or padding a hidden winter hide away.
How are you doing with season changes? Like the predictable summer to fall, a widow’s seasons change, too. All of us have passed from the first year of widowhood (some in the second and others up to twenty) and are now maneuvering something different. Many of us found year two especially hard. For me, I had passed out of the mind numbing first year into a lot of hard realities. I was awake the second year and things hurt differently or hit me by surprise or upended what I thought I had been put to rest.
If you’re having a difficult second year (or any year), talking with other widows is a good way to get it out of your heart and mind and let wings of compassion take them to a healing place while those who understand surround you.

Who Me? Worry?
In July, we made our own “Worry Boxes”. For a month, every time we spent time worrying about something, we wrote it down and put it in our box. At the end of July, we took our worries out and considered if any of them were actually worth the time and emotional effort.
A wonderful solution to spending emotional time worrying, is hand those worries to God. Then let them go. The letting go part is the hardest. Picture writing on that slip of paper, handing it up to God, but, at the last minute or at times during the day you grab it out of His hand to do a little more worrying. Praying to God for solutions, for peace from worry and for the ability to let Him handle our problems can help you not take them out of God’s hands.
I hope the “Worry Boxes” helped you realize how much time we waste worrying about things that never happen, or it solves itself or that God uses in other ways. Let God be your Worry Box. **

** Thanks to Pat Gregory for the idea and Pastor Lance Hampton for the tie to God’s goodness.

Need a new activity going into winter? The Galva Senior (over 50) Citizens Center, 106 Front Street, offers free crocheting lessons every Tuesday from 9 - 11:30. New or old hand, come and enjoy the friendship along with others. June Hagerty instructs - an expert at many handiwork projects including quilting and all around nice woman.

Our two Kewanee widows, Josie and Susan, experienced storm damage from the July tornadoes. Continue to pray for their recovery and ability to get things cleaned up and repaired.

Was your 4th of July celebration fun, a chore or a yawn?   I have a granddaughter’s birthday that day so it’s a double celebration in our family.

A few years ago, I realized I no longer got excited enough to go to the fireworks.  It had been a whole big “thing” with our family - lots of traditional to always do this or that.  It’s alright to rework some of your traditions now that you're a widow.  It isn’t disloyal to stop doing some things that are no longer fun.  Your husband isn’t standing just out of site with his pad and pencil recording whether you’re living up to expectations.  There is no guilt needed or deserved for changing up things when it fits the needs for you as a single.

Those traditions you still love, keep them going.  Those that need to be put to rest, either simply stop or hand them off to someone else.

So, my celebration is birthday fun, might catch the parade (I do love parades and Galva does a parade just right) and skip the rest.  Except, my neighbors didn’t let me skip the fireworks.  They had spent quite a lot giving all of us a great show,  watched from the comfort of my front porch swing with a cup of coffee.  A new tradition?  Maybe . . .     

Having lunch at P.L. Johnsons in Bishop Hill on June 23, International Widows Day, was a nice time, good food and having old and new friends.

A few extra tips:

1. Consider sharing your location through an app on your phone with someone you trust.  My daughter and I use “Life 360” which is free.  Should I ever have problems and can’t communicate, she will know where I am.  Which brings us to:  When you leave home, take your phone.

2. Which bring us to another:  Let someone know when you’re leaving town

3. Make sure all your kids (or other responsible person) has your license plate number.  There are police cameras on most major roads, all interstate highways, major roads leading into/out of cities and others.  Should you become missing, it is much faster for the police to put in the plate ID rather than search through files that might not be accurate.  

4. And don’t be that person who refuses to use helpful devices, share information with family or consider your own safety.   There’s a fine line between independent and obstinate.  

5. If your children (or if you don’t have children) aren’t willing, able, or trustworthy to use as your contact, then find a friend, another widow or church family.  “I have no one anymore” is not a valid excuse for not being safety conscious.    

July 9, 2024 - Tuesday
1:00 pm at Hill Church
107 N. Main St., Kewanee IL

While visiting, we will be making “Worry Boxes”

We’ve dodged the storm bullets this spring!  (Should all of us knock on wood?)  I don’t think I remember a spring where we’ve had such ideal weather in this area.  I hope you’re enjoying this gift of spring; a reminder that it’s God’s plan to have renewal and new beginnings after the severity of cold and winter.

Hill Church Pastor and counselor, Dr. David Pendergrass, visited us at our May get together.  We talked about widows’ anger.   He offered for our consideration that anger is most often about sadness that hasn’t been acknowledged.   

When you’re angry about something in his dying or in your widowhood, think about why you’re really getting angry about something at this point in your widowhood.  Sometimes anger can be justified in the moment.  But, if you find widow anger recurring after months/years over the same things, did you not let yourself be sad and now it boils up in anger at something else.  And a side note, if you realize you can’t resolve being angry, think about getting professional help.  It’s not about weakness, it’s about becoming strong. 

I read a widow article recently that asked the strong questions:  By dying, did your loved one insist you spend the rest of your days being angry at him for dying?  Angry at anyone who made his dying harder?  Anger at yourself for not doing something revolving around his death?  Did he really want you to live your life miserable, angry, hurt, lonely or depressed?  Did he want you to live your life unhappy?  If not, think about why you are hanging onto those emotions surrounding his death.  Are you afraid to give up anger because then you’d have to admit how sad you are that he’s left you?  Sadness is alright, it’s normal at times, and it has to happen to help you heal.  Notice I didn’t say it has to happen to forget.  Forgetting isn’t the same as healing.  

We have a member of the Kewanee Police Department coming to this meeting.  The topic will be “Security:  Personal and Home”.   I’m pretty excited for this opportunity because loss of security (or the feeling of not being secure) after becoming a widow has been a topic of discussion through our meetings.   Feel free to ask other guests even if they aren’t interested in becoming a part of our group.

 International Widows Day:  On Sunday, June 23, 2024, let’s plan to go to lunch, meeting at P.L. Johnson’s, 110 W Bjorklund St., Bishop Hill around 12 - 12:30.  For those that have a bit of a drive after church, we’ll wait until everyone is there to order.  Celebrate who we’ve become, our friendships and support!  Invite another widow if you’d like - a great way for them to see the benefits of conquering widowhood.


I’ll need reservations by our June 11.  

For menu: see their Facebook page.  For an overview: www.pljohnsonsrestaurant.com   They do have dairy free and gluten free choices.  And homemade desserts - yum!

Hebrews 10:25   “Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”    

As always, feel free to invite other widows to our 2nd Tuesday of every month get togethers.  They don't have to be Hill Church members or a member of any church - widowhood is the key that unlocks our door.

A month ago I was writing the Newsletter in the middle of a blizzard.  Today, April showers have certainly brought May flowers.  Especially this time of the year, I often pause to be thankful for being born in the Midwest, living in the serenity of the beautiful countryside and the wonder of new growth in nature and neighboring new baby livestock.

After a heavy rain today, everything has been washed clean and the colors are vibrant.  As widows, we sometimes need to be “washed clean” and again become vibrant.  As an emerging plant isn’t the same one that became dormant last year, we can become a new us.  A new us that thinks of how life was “before” and begins to consciously build a new season.

 I encourage you to join us to encourage each other, make new friends and understand you may feel alone in this walk of widowhood but you’re actually in a very large group of women who are striving to pave a new vibrant path.   

Have you got the new Hill Church app that allows you to get all our news, including this newsletter.  It has the ability to send you a reminder of the meetings.  You can customize it to get all Hill Church information or only pertaining to our widowhood group. If you have questions or need help, contact Lance at 217-371-3801 - he rocks explaining. 

Last month we ROCKED it!    A first time for most and a lot of great ideas and painting.   There were plans to do more when they got home.  Fun hobbies are a great way to get out of your head and into something new.  We visited (which is always good with other widows) and we laughed.  A Lot.

Dr. David Pendergrass, Hill Church pastor and counselor, has committed to visit again this month.  The last time he visited, we had some newly widowed and some of the emotions were raw.  Nine months later, it will be interesting to understand how far you’ve come and talk about what your needs are now.  I thought the general topic would be “Bringing peace into widowhood”.   

Here are some resources you may enjoy: 

*  www.bravetwin.com  Developed by Pam Bates, her May Newsletter is full of new activities.

*  Founder of the Modern Widows Club, Carolyn Moor has a new on-line series of instructional events that you may like.  She lists Club events for June 2024 on her Facebook site:  Carolyn Moor Mwc 

Links:  www.healthywidowhealthywoman.org  
  www.modernwidowsclub.org
  www.carolynmoor.com 

On Sunday, June 23, 2024, let’s plan to go to lunch, meeting at P.L. Johnson’s, 110 W Bjorklund St., Bishop Hill around 12 - 12:30.  For those that have a bit of a drive after church, we’ll wait to order.  Celebrate who we’ve become, our friendships and support!  Invite another widow if you’d like - a great way for them to see the benefits of conquering widowhood.  

I’ll need reservations by our June 11.  

For menu: see their Facebook page.  For an overview: www.pljohnsonsrestaurant.com   They do have dairy free and gluten free choices.  And homemade desserts - yum!

Romans 1:12   That we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine.  

As always, feel free to invite other widows to our 2nd Tuesday of every month get togethers.  They don't have to be Hill Church members or a member of any church - widowhood is the key that unlocks our door.

Good grief on this snowy blizzard of a morning!  It’s pretty but like the little daffodils, I’m finding it an intrusion upon my positive spring outlook!  One thing widows eventually learn to master is deliberately deciding to think positive.  That positivity may take a hit at certain times, but we each develop a means to grab onto deciding to make today better.   And if you can’t make today any better, then try again tomorrow.  Learn the tricks - a cup of tea, a good book, your favorite TV show, visiting a friend, going someplace new or writing in your journal.  Does it make grief go away?  Not always - although doing these little things can help get through those sad times.

The  above picture is from our February Valentine’s party.   What a fun time.  

We had a bunch of busy folks in March, so we spent some time visiting and talking about where we are and how we’re doing.  It’s always a treasure to have other widow(s) to care and understand.

Pastor Lance Hampton did a “hands on” help to get the new Hill Church app on our phones.  I will be transitioning all CW electronic communications to this app, including the Newsletter.  Also, notification of the routine monthly get togethers and other communications.  All you have to do is download the new Hill Church app!  

The app allows you to decide how much and what information you wish to receive - from everything going on at Hill Church or just the Conquering Widowhood info.  These choices will fit nicely with us as we have as many non-Hill members in our group as members.  Google Hill Church if you have an I-phone or Hill Church-Kewanee if you have other.   

I’ll give Lance all our e-mail addresses and he will enter into the new system.  You will need to get the app on your phone.  If you have questions or need help, contact Lance at 217-371-3801 - he rocks explaining.

 Rocks get a bum rap.  “Dumb as a box of rocks!”  “Crazy like a rock star!”  “Rock and Roll Hoochie Koo!”  At our April 9th get together, we’re going to rock it all night long - or until 2:30!

I’ll be bringing some flat smooth rocks for us to paint.  I got the idea when one of my husband’s daughters routinely brought a hand-painted rock to put on her father’s grave.  And as a gardener, various grandchildren have given me hand-painted rocks for the flower beds or porches.  Some of them have been painted like ladybugs, bees, with a cross, a heart, flowers, frogs, smiley faces - you get it.  If you’re not rock painting inspired, google “painted rocks” and there will be something that strikes your fancy. 

My friend (and widow) Pam Bates (Galva’s Braving Widowhood founder) is always happy to welcome other widows’ groups to her fun events.  Here are two 2024 plans:

April 27 - 11:30-1:30 in Bishop Hill:  Painting a cardinal barn quilt.  $35 each includes supplies.  Coffee/snacks afterward.
May 31 (perhaps more days according to response) - Trip to Amana Colonies/Williamsburg IA.  $100 due by April 20 - final cost determined on how many days (motel/food/etc.)

I’m still in talks to get our speaker for “Security for Widows”.  Home, driving, on-line, out and about.   As always, let me know if there’s something you’d like to do or hear about. 
As always, feel free to invite other widows to our 2nd Tuesday of every month get togethers.  They don't have to be Hill Church members or a member of any church - widowhood is the key that unlocks our door.

Blessings,
Diane Gibson
309-854-3384